the dark undiscussed corner of male sexuality

March 4, 2010

Why is libido the dark undiscussed corner of male sexuality?  If you read Dana Jennings’ blog on the The New York Times website, he talks about libido as distinct from erectile function, but not many other men who are prostate cancer survivors do. And yet, women who suffer from sexual dysfunction talk mainly about their libidos. It would seem that for men sexuality is forever linked to the mechanics of the penis, so much so that libido is cast aside and forgotten.

There is a great difference between the desire to have traditional sex and the ability. Of the two, the greater and subtler challenge is desire: without it, even a man who has solved the problem of mechanics via pills, a prosthesis or a vacuum device is likely to have a hollow or ironic experience.

Out of the corner of his eye, my husband saw me in a revealing blouse, and it did something. But the lovely moment vanished, and we haven’t been able to get anything like it back for months. Dana Jennings describes similar moments. That’s how it is. There are a lot of guys out there with zero motivation on account of hormone ablation, which keeps the body from producing testosterone. In some men the loss of libido post hormone treatments is permanent; in others temporary. Nobody knows why.  Only recently have some  doctors begun to discuss these effects frankly with their patients before treatment. Each of us—both Pca men and the partners who live with them—has a different thing to struggle against…what an intricate process cancer survival can be.

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