“Study Finds Many Are Too Tired for Sex” notes the Science page of The New York Times (Tuesday, March 9, 2010). For men and their partners who’ve suffered and survived prostate cancer, it may come as a relief to learn we’re not alone. The article observes that “one in every four Americans married or living with someone say they are so sleep-deprived that they are often too tired to have sex.” Insomnia and sleep deprivation are obvious factors as are stress in its various guises–including work, health and fiscal matters; alcohol and late-night television weigh in too.
If the general public is already experiencing stress and sleeplessness, how much worse is it for couples post prostate cancer treatment? And how much farther down the list of physical needs might sexual activity be for these couples? Certainly, we’ve all suffered our share of sleep deprivation (I can easily recall my husband jumping up six or more times a night to urinate, and, as a result of treatments, he can add tinnitis (ringing in the ears) to his list of chronic afflictions. The cancer diagnosis itself is hardly “something to sleep on,” and then, for our particular population, add loss of libido for some men and the challenge of actually getting an erection for almost every man treated. Women are affected too, our sense of attractiveness perhaps diminished and our own sleep patterns and living patterns greatly altered.
How do we de-stress our lives? Is it possible to get rest? How does a couple go about reclaiming intimacy? We’re all working on these problems, and we’re not alone. Does anybody out there have any ideas for ways of reclaiming both rest and intimacy?